Hats Off to the Radiography Staff

The Radiotherapy has finished now, and although I'm tired, I'm otherwise unscathed. On the outside, at least. My skin has returned to its normal state, thank goodness, and so far there's no sign of radiation pneumonitis, which was a real fear for me a few weeks back.

The way RT works is that I'll carry on cooking on the inside for another 10 days or so, then gradually start to get better. Some of my tiredness it undoubtedly due to the travelling, and that will improve from here on in, but the bit that's due to the cellular damage caused by RT will continue to build. I have some tightness, or soreness,in my lungs and that might get worse, but so far I'm massively better than I thought I would be at this stage.

I wanted to describe what actually happens in an RT session, before I forget, and pay tribute to the staff who make what could be a technical, almost mechanistic process into a relatively pleasant and friendly series of events.

The RT room is laid out a bit like the sanctuary of some weird techno-church, with a wide open space for the radiographers (the Chosen Ones) to do their ritual tasks, an obsidian altar block, and a massive Shiny-White piece of kit which communes with the God of radioactivity. The sacrificial goat (me) lies on the block which floats up and along into the maw of the Shiny-White, just beneath a large horizontal circular disc about two feet in diameter. The disk is Shiny-White on the top but gunmetal inside glass from below. There's a square area in the centre with 2 combs of lead shielding inside, the teeth of which pull back to reveal The Shape.

Shiny White

The Shape is an extraordinary mystical construct created at the most rarefied levels of the Shiny-White priesthood. Aeons ago, High Planners and Planneresses would spend many days crouched over their sacred tomes and esoteric texts before consulting actual goat bones, but today the Planners apply computerised tomography to virtual goats. They have to ensure that the iso-dose curves created by the accumulation of Shapes is high enough to appease the Shiny-White without killing the goat. This takes many years of study.

The Shapes, once divined, are passed to the Chosen Ones. They in turn, ensure the correct Shapes are applied to the correct goat.

The Chosen Ones, in their blue robes, consult The Book (which looks to the goat like a white lever arch file). The Book rests on the goat's legs and contains sacred runes which must be decoded to ensure the goat's alignment will be pleasing to Shiny-White. As they study the sacred text the Chosen Ones begin their strange and haunting chants: "standard AML", "half a centimetre sup", "1.3 ant and inf" "I've got 91.6" whilst moving the goat into the correct position as dictated by Shiny-White. Occasionally a more junior acolyte (in virginal white) is inducted into the Mysteries, under the beneficient guidance of the Chosen Ones.

Once the goat is positioned to the satisfaction of the Chosen Ones, there are still further final ritual adjustments: 3.2 to the left and 11.6 towards Shiny-White.

Then the Chosen Ones retreat to the vestry. The goat is alone in the room. Shiny-White emits a low humming sound as the disc begins to rotate in a vertical plane about the altar. At some pre-determined point, the humming stops to be replaced by a whirr as a Shape is made in the lead shields. Then another noise: something between a buzz and a beep. This can be momentary, or can last several seconds. When it goes above 10 seconds an alarming clicking noise joins in with the buzz-beep sound. Then buzz/beep stops, and with a whirr the Shape is changed: another hum and Shiny-White moves to a new station, and another buzz-beep. For me, there were 4 angel rays (sorry, angled rays) each time.

Grumpy Old Goat

To the goat, nothing seems to have been achieved by all of this. Nevertheless, the Chosen Ones emerge from the vestry seeming delighted. "Well done" they'd say "you're doing really well" and although the goat is a grumpy old goat thinking, "actually, I haven't done anything at all except lie here" still, the goat is pleased. The altar floats back to its original position and the goat is freed.

Despite the ritual being performed correctly, still Shiny-White is not appeased. More goats must be brought forth, and more, and yet more.

Sometimes the ritual is prefaced by the Taking of the Pictures. "We're going to Take the Pictures today" one of the Chosen Ones will announce. This is allegedly a weekly process, but in practice occurs far more frequently, sometimes happening as often as 4 times in one week. Extra fittings emerge from Shiny-White: two small oblong ears and a huge white square, all of which join in a stately circumnavigation of the head of the goat. Usually, that's it. No change to the aural landscape, just the normal hum. No flashes or lights or strobe effects - frankly, it's all a bit dull. But just once in a while the Taking of the Pictures results in rearranging the goat into a position marginally more pleasing to Shiny-White.

The Vestry

The Chosen Ones spend all day, every day, trying to appease Shiny-White by arranging goats on slabs. It's tough work. Shiny-White requires a constant supply of goats, meaning there are no gaps. So any rearranging of goats, or technical problems, delays, administrative foul ups, late goats, or fools asking dumb questions as I was prone to do, results in prolonging the session so that the ritual continues for an hour or more beyond the scheduled running time.

Despite this the radiographers have been a remarkable pleasant and engaging bunch. Always friendly and supportive, never apparently rushed, and seemingly happy to answer my damn fool questions even though these were prolonging the daily grind. They have clearly found their true calling. I take my hat off to them.